Preparing for life's changes
There have only been a few major events in my life for which I have had sufficient notice so as to prepare in advance. Moving away from home to attend college in a faraway state. Selling a NYC apartment, packing everything into a storage unit and setting out on a nomadic adventure with my wife. That might be it. There have been many more that arrived without notice. Being told I had a few days to say goodbye and pack my things before going to boarding school in a different state. Moving to DC from Texas after the startup I was employed by was sold. Getting a job in NYC and having to close out my life in DC in a week so I could show up on my first day on time.
Looking back, the events that snuck up on me shifted the course of my life in an almost universally positive direction and I've been trying to pinpoint why. It is impossible to always be prepared for every major life change. I think mindset plays an outsized role in how these events turn out. By embracing new challenges, environments, roadblocks, the inevitable growth that comes from dealing with them will be much less painful along the way. Often the things that seem most frightening yield the most benefit. Its why average people at the finish line of a marathon are smiling from ear to ear, or why Navy Seals look back on hell week as a turning point in what eventually became extraordinary physical and mental resilience. We rarely, if ever, appreciate the growth that comes from hardships while we are in the midst of them. It is on the other side when we can appreciate how far we've come.
It is easy to see oneself as adventurous, someone who is ready for new challenges. The hard thing is to behave accordingly at the moment in which a decision must be made - do we accept that job on the other side of the country/world, do we go on the blind date that was set up for us, do we sign up for the marathon and put ourselves on the hook to do something we're not actually sure we can do - where we find out if the version of ourselves we've created in our minds is ready for the real world.
Unexpected change simply reveals what we've been practicing. We like to think that preparation gives us a greater degree of control, when in reality there is so much that will happen regardless of our behavior. The truth is that we are never fully prepared for whatever may come our way, only able (or not) to control our own actions/reactions.
In my own life, my wife and I are currently preparing for what is likely to be the biggest change we have ever experienced. Adding a new member to our family will change our priorities, our schedules, our outlook on life. We are of course doing everything we can to prepare our environment and our mindsets, but there is an ocean of unknown ahead of us. I recognize that and plan to enter this chapter with an open mind and an open heart. Perhaps one of the advantages of becoming a parent at an older age is a greater ability to maintain perspective. I am deeply aware that when I am in the twilight years of my life, the period we are about to enter is one I will wish I could return to. This will - I hope - make the sleepless nights, dirty diapers and tantrums easier. My mindset is one of openness and adaptability, which will lead to less frustration and more joy. May I carry this lesson into all aspects of my life.