Push beyond your limits

Despite being cursed with the genetics of a runt, I spent my college years on the rowing team. The typical distance of a rowing race is 2,000 meters, which takes eight perfectly synched Olympic athletes just over five minutes to complete. The average college team will do the same in six or seven minutes. As in any sport, gauging the performance of a team - as well as each individual member - at various points in a season is critical. In order to do this, rowing teams conduct what are called “erg tests,” a 2,000 meter row for time, alone on an indoor rowing machine known as an ergometer. The pain endured during these tests cannot be understood without being experienced. It is full body agony lasting all but the first 15 or 20 seconds.

The physical challenge itself, plus the fact that your performance is measured and clearly displayed for all to see made the days during which these tests were administered some of the most stressful and anxiety-filled of my life. Every member of the team dreaded these days, making our way to the boathouse with butterflies in our stomachs and cement blocks around our feet. Eventually, we sat down and got to work, doing our level best and collapsing into a pool of sweat, writhing on our backs until we could rise again. After it was over, we’d feel a strange mixture of relief, joy and pride knowing it would be at least several weeks before we were called upon to repeat the exercise, and because pushing oneself that close to our physical limits creates a sense of invincibility: if you can survive this what cant you survive?

The other day - 15 years after graduating college - I experienced a semblance of this feeling for the first time in far too long. The third week of the 2020 CrossFit Open was a repeat of a prior workout from 2018, one that I remember quite vividly. In March 2018 we were living in Taipei, our first month on the road after having left New York. We joined a great gym and met some great people. The workout was a classic 21/15/9 rep scheme combining strength and gymnastics: deadlifts and handstand pushups (plus an additional workout for those fit enough to finish with ample time). It was painful and fun and stressful and there were probably 30 or 40 people in the gym cheering each other on. I did my very best but did not finish the first portion within the allotted time cap.

Going into the 2020 workout, I reviewed my notes from 2018 and knew what I wanted to do - finish the first section with time to spare. The morning of, I was filled with a sense of excitement and focus (and plenty of anxiety) that has become all too rare. I went in, did my best, beat my previous time by over 60 seconds. I was unable to complete a single deadlift at 315 pounds but mathematically I was fitter than two years prior. Walking out of the gym, I felt a true sense of pride that I carried for the following days and weeks.

These days most humans are faced with little to no adversity. We don't have to hunt - or even forage - for our food. Animals that may once have posed a threat are now locked in cages. In a storm, we simply go indoors. If we need to go somewhere, our phone can make a car and driver appear in front of us like magic. Physical pursuits are certainly only one aspect of a rounded life, however they are an accessible and effective way of combating the overly soft lifestyles that most of us have found ourselves living. Haven’t stepped foot in a gym or a pair of running in shoes in a decade? Sign up for a 5K, or better yet a 10K. Certain that you couldn’t hoist yourself over a fence if your life depended on it? Buy a pull-up bar, install it in your garage and use it until you are shocked at how easy it is to get your chin above your fists. Pick something that you’d like to be able to do but aren’t sure is possible, then go to work.

So much good comes from putting yourself in situations in which it is possible to fail. You learn about yourself. You become tougher mentally and physically. You gain the knowledge deep inside that you will be able to handle it - and do so with greater ease - the next time around. If you fail and you have the right mindset, you understand that you’ve evolved. If you succeed, you position yourself for ever greater challenges. The strongest bonds formed by humans come from overcoming adversity: elite military units, families that have dealt with trauma, employees of companies that have achieved the ultimate success after years and years.

Getting out of breath not your thing? Sign up for toastmasters and start talking in front of large groups if just the thought of that scares you (as it does me). Quit the job that makes Sunday nights the lowest point in your week. Take the first step toward starting the YouTube channel or podcast you’ve been thinking about for years. The point is to create that feeling of dread and uncertainty and turn it into one of pride and accomplishment. Put yourself in positions where you might actually fail. Seek out uncertainty. Get embarrassed, get beat, get sore. Find the part of yourself that evolved to survive out in the wild. Do it regularly. You will be stronger for it.