Comparison is the thief of happiness

We are all on our own path. We forge our own way: some supremely confident in the direction they’ve chosen, others completely lost yet still moving forward. Some create their own luck, others content to accept what life throws a them. Across the spectrum, we all have the power to choose how we react to our situations. This is one of the true luxuries of a free life: the simple fact that you can choose to be grateful for what you have, no matter how meager.

A sure way to rob oneself of joy is to compare oneself to others. There is nothing more antithetical to living a centered, focused life. Certainly there are vast disparities in the world and there are millions of people who have virtually or literally nothing, but for those of us fortunate enough to find ourselves among the first and second worlds, we tend to look at our friends and neighbors with one eye focused on what they have that we do not. The fancy car, big house, nice clothes and country club memberships. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these, but think long and hard about how much they mean to you. Everyone likes nice things. Most of us would prefer heated leather seats and automatic parking to crank handle windows and under powered engines in our cars. If it matters to you, prioritize it and adjust accordingly, but never do so because you are trying to keep up with or impress those around you.

Ultimately, what you see on the outside tells you nothing about what happens within the home. The people with the biggest house on the block may stalk their hallways constantly miserable, rarely speaking to each other. On the other hand, perhaps they are extremely grateful, supportive and enjoy their time together. Neither scenario affects how you should feel about your own circumstance. Your own life and happiness is maintained within your walls. Don't envy others and don't judge others, because you never really know whats going on.

The same is true at work. The person with the big corner office may just be the most unhappy person in the whole company. Or, they may love their life and utter words of gratitude every time the walk into the building each morning. As you interact with people, it may be fairly clear which camp they are likely to fall into, but people are good at hiding things. Either way, the attitudes of others should not be relevant to your own happiness and fulfillment, excepting the fact that we all generally want to be surrounded by positive, encouraging colleagues. By focusing on your own performance, growth, impact over time, you will find appreciation and joy regardless of how those around you behave. The only reason to compare yourself to others is to measure your output and quality of work. If you find yourself surrounded by people who, despite your best efforts, prevent you from doing this, it is time to seek a change in employment.

An oft-repeated observation from people who have visited poorer countries, myself included, is that despite the limited material possessions of its inhabitants, they are among the happiest people they’ve met. In India, the strangers we encountered could not have been more generous, welcoming and friendly. We found people living in the meagerest of circumstances with smiles on their faces, willing to give us directions or tell us more about their culture. This was true in Thailand, Indonesia and especially in Tanzania. To observe ones community is human nature, but I never got a sense of bitterness from the people we encountered in these places.

One of the most valuable lessons - and resulting skills - I have learned after 5 years with no fixed address is that the ability to appreciate life with a limited number of possessions is a superpower. After all, you can only fit so much into a suitcase. It may be boring, but wearing the same thing nearly every day is also liberating. When I think about what we've given up to live the life we do - sleeping in my own bed each night, a closet full of clothes, the stability that comes from having the same daily routine, on and on - I remember that we've made the choice to prioritize flexibility, novelty, and experience above all else. This is not for everyone, but the point is that that doesn't matter. I've crafted the life I want to live, full stop. I sincerely hope you can do the same.