I like to think that I’m someone who is good at handling pressure. Deadlines create focus and lead to effective prioritization. During athletic events, I tend to perform better when the score is close and the buzzer is imminent. If a client is angry, I can quickly determine the best course of action to rectify the situation. The truth is, the stakes in these situations are relatively low. If I miss a deadline, I can apologize, deliver a bit late and a week later it’s forgotten. If I lose the match, the guy on the other side of the net is not going to be paid millions and have the adoration of fans around the world. If the client is still angry after I’ve taken steps to appease them, they are either unreasonable or they will eventually get over it.

A couple of months ago I was accused in a very serious way of something I didn’t do. This accusation alone was (and in many ways still is) enough put my reputation and livelihood at risk. As I wrote in a recent post about integrity, I have never taken a shortcut or advantage of a partner or client in my career. Just reading the words created a level of stress that I have rarely, if ever, experienced. I became lightheaded, my heart would race, I would start sweating. This could easily be a description of someone in the final moments of a game seven, a chess match with world title implications, an entrepreneur waiting for the yes/no decision that will make or break his company. These are symptoms of someone experiencing a great deal of pressure.

There are a few things that have helped me manage the stress I’ve experienced over the past few months. First, I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by supportive people who believe in me, from my wife to my family and friends to the people I work with. Without this support system, I would probably fool myself into thinking that I can handle it on my own while in reality its eating me alive.  The situation I experienced, hopefully, is temporary. It will be dealt with and eventually fade into a hazy, dark memory. Others live with ulcer-inducingexternal pressures over an extended period of time. Many times these pressures were not caused by their own actions. They are simply victims of poor decisions, entanglements with people less principled than themselves or just plain bad luck. I have a friend and colleague who has been dealing with such pressure for many years and somehow he is able to handle it - at least from the outside - with grace and calm. I draw strength and courage from his example. The lesson: watch the best do what they do and emulate them.

Exercise has long been a core part of who I am and is as important to my daily routine as brushing my teeth. It’s simply a habit and I don’t even think about it at this point. This is one part of my day where I can shut out external distractions, nagging items from my to-do list and the pressures of existing in the real world and just go. For that hour or so I can try to push myself a little bit beyond what I am capable of today so that it will be easier tomorrow. When I’m done and showered and dressed I always tackle the day with a renewed sense of confidence and calm. The problems that were bouncing around my mind beforehand seem more manageable now at the very least.

Meditating is something that I have been practicing (or at least trying to practice) for several years. I wish I could articulate what it actually does and why it helps, but it’s such a nebulous thing. Practically, over time you will get a little better at controlling the mind when it starts to race. You gain this ability to press an imaginary pause button and bring your thoughts back to what is in front of you at that moment. At some point every so often you find this clear space where the thoughts that normally scroll like an endless ticker tape come to a stop and there’s nothing but you, the space around you and the world beyond. There is an appreciation for simply existing and for a moment you understand that the things that weigh you down - bills that must be paid, clients waiting for responses, neighbors intent on making others as miserable as they are - don’t really matter in the grand scheme of the universe. Will any of that stuff be of any consequence hundreds of years from now? Of course not.

Like many people, I was turned on to Stoicism by Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday as an adult. However, after reading about its origins and principles I believe that it was somehow born into my DNA. I can’t remember precisely when I realized that while I have no control over the things that happen, I can control my reaction to them. I do know that this has served me well over the years. The idea that obstacles and challenges are simply opportunities for growth did not come to me until later, probably after high school or college, but it is one of the most powerful ways of thinking that exists. It requires constant work and there are plenty of times I forget, but when I remember that simple concept, I “embrace the suck” because I know I will be better for it on the other side. You still must be self-aware, but if you can weave this into your soul you’ll be all but invincible, especially at work. If the clock is ticking toward zero and you have the ball, you want to take that last shot because you know the next time you’re in that position its going to be a little bit easier. You’ve been there, done that.

Lastly and perhaps most obviously, its important to have access to wise counsel. In the most unfortunate circumstances, this may mean legal counsel. In others it may simply be advisors, mentors, colleagues or friends. I am unaccustomed to dealing with lawyers and being questioned by authorities. It makes me uncomfortable and even when I have nothing to hide I become nervous to the point of seeming suspicious. However, by speaking to experts and preparing ahead of time, I am able to conduct myself with more confidence in these situations. Surround yourself with capable people and subject matter experts you can turn to when you need guidance. This can easily mean the difference between success and failure.

I wonder what life would be like if we never had to overcome obstacles, especially the ones that seem impossible to overcome. What if we never experienced pressure? Would that be bliss? Would we all walk around fat and happy, smiling at each other on the street? Maybe, but I dont think I would choose that world. I may not get to choose the obstacles that I’m presented with. Sometimes I may even yearn for a time machine so I could go back in time and undo the decisions that led to them. But the person I will be in a year’s time will be different, and better, for having overcome them. I will be wiser, stronger, faster, more experienced. I will be me.

I sincerely hope that you don’t experience threats to your life or livelihood. If you do, know that you can overcome them. If you don’t, you will still undoubtedly be presented with the pressures and challenges of daily life. When you are, well... bring em on. I can handle it. And so can you.